Ever Wonder Why Nurses Seem Mean? Here's What You're Not Seeing

Let’s just say it: Sometimes, nurses can seem a little… mean.

The short answers? Burnout. Stress. Exhaustion. But the real story? It goes deeper. Much deeper.

I’ve worked as a nurse, as a Director of Nursing, and as a coach to other nurse leaders, and nurses and I’ve seen firsthand the emotional layers behind those cold stares, sharp tones, or rushed responses.

And I want to unpack it, because we don’t talk about this enough.

Here’s what you’re not seeing:

1. Some nurses never wanted to be nurses. They chose the field because it pays well, or because it felt secure, but the passion was never there. And when you work in a field that requires deep compassion without actually feeling connected to it? That tension shows up in attitude.

2. Some have been nurses for decades – and they are tired. Tired in their bones. Tired of changes. Tired of picking up the slack. Tired of trying to meet unrealistic expectations with minimal support.

3. Some are burnt out and underpaid. Imagine giving your all to a profession that barely recognizes your humanity. You give and give, and the system gives very little back. That frustration? It bubbles to the surface.

4. Some are constantly mistreated. Patients. Families. Doctors. Administration. Nurses are expected to smile and stay calm through verbal abuse, physical aggression, and gaslighting from all angles. It wears you down.

5. Some are in full-blown survival mode. Their personal lives are in crisis. Their minds are racing. They’re showing up to care for patients while no one is caring for them. And yet they still clock in.

I can remember times in my career that my home life was overwhelming, and I just didn't have it in me to show up with the smiley face every day.

I never came off as being mean, but those who knew me knew that something was wrong.

I became a nurse to care for others. But who takes care of the nurse when she's drowning in overwhelm, mentally and emotionally overstimulated? When you're surviving at home and at the workplace? When you're denied positions because you don't look like what they want? When your patients and coworkers are racist? When you have to face racism every day at work? When you're not wanted as the nurse because of not only race but your religion?

6. Some want to leave nursing but don’t have a plan B. They feel stuck. Scared. Unqualified to pivot. That trapped energy turns into resentment, and it shows.

7. Some were never meant for nursing. And that’s a hard truth. They entered the field for the wrong reasons and now struggle to maintain the emotional labor this job requires.

8. Some are being bullied by other nurses. Yes, nurse-to-nurse bullying is real. Lateral violence exists. And it hurts.

So, the next time you meet a nurse who seems a little off, remember:

It might not be about you.

They might just be doing their best to survive another shift, another day, another emotional wound.

This isn’t an excuse.

This isn't condoning.

It’s an explanation.

Nurses are human, too.

And if you’re a nurse reading this and you feel seen? You’re not alone.

Your spark is still in there.

Take care of you.

Lead with compassion. Even for yourself.